i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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