I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
