I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize