Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
