I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
