Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i dont even know how to be here
My vagina just recognized that song.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
