He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Still dying that you shit outside
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize