the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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