I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
