I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
