I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
