yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
