I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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