so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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