and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
