I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
