It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
