i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He passed out mid-signature
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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