i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
