Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
