i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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