Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
