my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
