I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
