He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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