i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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