he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
