I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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