I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
