Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
