to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
