Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
try to milk me bitch
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