We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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