it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize