Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
