I bet he comes in French.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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