Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
