No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize
