I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
