i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
