God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
