One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
