btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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