OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this just has baby written all over it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
