We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
