my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
