Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
