I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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