Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
