I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
