I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
