Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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