I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
