If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
