Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize