I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just google imaged poop.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
