i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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