Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
