fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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