just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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