Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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