Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
