it's like iHOP with fire
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize