im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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