I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
