OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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