dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
