actually, I'm a sock model
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
