I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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