so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize