had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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