My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You made out with two different species that night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
