How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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