remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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