Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
whose parrot is this?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
