let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
