you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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