'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
