you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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