the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I understand Curling. That high.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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