you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
