when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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