$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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