Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
