Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
