so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I believe in your delicious
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
