my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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