So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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