Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
