I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize