question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
