I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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