we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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