i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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