6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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