im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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