Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
