His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
3pm strippers are depressing
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
