MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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