Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
