He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize