Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
