totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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