definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
