FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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